Murdoch Files

5 weeks and 1 day

Murdoch — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 11:10:21 +0000

In the last 8 weeks there has been a lot of stuff happening. We decided to just start trying at the end of November. Amazingly, this worked – first time – much to my husband’s faked chagrin. well, I think it was fake! We took a pregnancy test and it came out positive. Having learnt how you calculate your number of weeks’ pregnant, we did some quick maths and realised I was technically 4 weeks pregnant. Great, a whole month done without any effort!

I went to the GP’s but it was too early to tell from his tests – a bit depressing but, despite being asked specifically not to do it – I went straight home and did another test which was still positive. So all’s well then, yes?

Sadly, I had a miscarriage last week. I had been pregnant for 5 weeks and 1 day. I’m due to have a scan on 29th December to make sure it’s all gone. Not the “first scan” I had imagined. You’re not supposed to be pregnant and then go back to “normal” a few weeks later. Awful feeling.

Other people’s children

Murdoch — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 22:56:05 +0000

I’ve had a couple of weekend visits from friends and family with their new babies lately. A few things struck me, firstly, the huge market there appears to be for baby related Hallowe’en costumes! Has this always been the way and I only just noticed or is this a new thing? Cute though.

Secondly, how alert and aware very young children are (i.e. from 4 months old). I’ve heard so many people say the first year is the worst because parents are so new to it and their children do “do much”. But really, there’s a whole host of things to look forward to which my husband and I are encouraged to see in our friends’ babies so early on. It gives you an idea of when the blind panic might just start to ease, and you can start to really enjoy being a parent. Y’know…maybe…?!

How old is old?

Murdoch — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 10:08:38 +0000

The first thing my husband and I did was talk about whether we were even going to have children. He had always wanted a family and I knew I would want a family in the future, it was just a little disconcerting that I didn’t know when that would be. When younger friends of mine started announcing their pregnancies, I didn’t feel left behind or envious so I wondered when the feeling would kick in.

I’m not really sure there is ever a seminal moment, perhaps there is for some, but my experience was more an evolution of ideas and feelings. We talked and talked and talked, and did all the things I presume the majority of couples do. We worried about money, we wondered if we were even fertile, we thought about childcare, we mock-argued about who might become a stay at home parent and, vitally, we realised we knew nothing about babies. Actually, that’s a lie. Everyone knows something about babies. I knew:

Folic acid is really important, but I don’t know why
Breast feeding is good
You have to register your child in nursery / school type things before they’re even born if you want a good one
You’ll never sleep again

Hmm… not a full compliment of facts I grant you.

So we have very recently started trying to learn all about the process of trying for a baby. We’ve decided to start trying in January so I came off the pill last month and went to see my GP.

As it turns out, my longstanding GP has left and I have a brand new shiny one . He’s 29 too and has an 8 week old baby so I felt pretty happy chatting to him about what to do next.

I’d already bought my folic acid tablets, I chose Pregnacare and my GP was extremely happy with my choice, advising me to take it for up to 3 months before trying for a baby. He gave me some pointers of what to avoid whilst trying for a baby (the normal smoking, alcohol type stuff) but what I wasn’t expecting was for him to encourage us to start trying ASAP, and not let the 3 months of folic acid supplements slow our plans. He said that there was nothing sadder than a 35+ year old deciding to have a baby and then finding out they have difficulties because of her age. GULP! Better get a move on then eh?!

I understood his point but you can’t just try to see if everything is in good working order until you’ve really committed to having a child can you? That’s the sad thing about infertility; you only find out once you’ve done all the thinking, rationalising and decision-making that you’re really ready for a family. So right now I’ve swapped one pill for another and am just hoping all goes well in the New Year.

The Start

Murdoch — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 23:25:17 +0000

A few things you should know about me, I’m 29, I’m married and I’m thinking of having a baby. Doesn’t sound very much like a revelation does it? But hang on, yes it is. It’s a huge, enormous big deal in fact. The biggest decisions I believe I’ve ever made.

I decided not to go the University at 18 (choosing instead to do it the hard way, part time) and I decided to get married, commit for life to someone else – yes I’m old fashioned that way. I decided that I’d get over my crippling social phobia by getting a job travelling to new places, speaking to new people every single day. All pretty big decisions, but not even faintly comparable to … babies.

For a while I’d had brief conversations with my husband about whether we should start a family, and I had categorically closed the discussion – it just wasn’t something I wanted. To be honest, it scared the shit out of me, but more on that later I’m sure. Babies are a far bigger commitment than marriage, moving out, changing jobs, owning a pet etc etc. If you decided this “baby thing” wasn’t for you, you can’t hand it back!

So, why am I telling you this? I’ve started this blog to track my journey; however it twists and turns, towards having a family. I had an urge to just write stuff down, chronicle the already vast range of emotions and reactions I’m feeling. I’m hoping it will achieve a couple of things; firstly, a way of compartmentalising this bit of my life (I compartmentalise a lot) so I can work out exactly why I feel this way or that, or consider a decision more clearly – a tool as it were. Secondly, I’d be happy if say a handful of people also wrestling with some of these things read it and go “hmm, so I’m not too weird then.” Just a bit of reassurance that someone else might have thought the same thing at some point.

One thing I’ll try to NEVER do is dole out advice, I’ve only just started on this odd little road but already I’m pretty nauseated by the saccharine advice from every corner of the universe about babies. So, tell me if I become one of “those people”.

Another small ground rule; I’m not professing to reveal anything new or revolutionary about the process of deciding on, trying for, having and caring for children – it’s just my view on all that has gone before.

OK, so I’m stepping tentatively both into the world of blogging and the world of babies so I’d better get started. Y’know, properly started…

Where the hell do you start?!